‘Tis the Season (12/06/2010)

Well, it’s that time of the year. God, how times flies when you’re having fun… or when you’re sweating your ass off and fighting away invasions of insects in West Africa. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and my birthday have all come and gone. In October and November, I was craving pumpkins, watching the leaves change on the trees, and of course, Halloween candy. Now, it’s December, and I’m craving Christmas. I want snow, Christmas smells, Christmas trees, cookies, decorations and lights. I live in West Africa (in case you forgot), so there’s nothing I can do about all these cravings. I have one lone Christmas smelling candle (thank you, Mom!!!!), which I don’t want to burn because I don’t want it to run out. I just keep smelling it, and thinking of all you lucky people in America, who are surrounded by friends, family, and Christmas cookies.

This week is my last week of school before Christmas vacation, and I’m just as tired and burnt out as the kids are, so I decide to avoid teaching today and throw a Christmas party at school. It was probably the most pathetic Christmas party one has ever seen. First of all, I wanted to teach them about the history of Christmas in America. The town I live in is split between Christians and Muslims, so I start by explaining to them that in America, Christmas is not only for the Christians, but it’s for everyone to celebrate. Then, I started to tell them traditional American Christmas stories, which is when I lost them, and they thought I was completely bat-shit crazy. I mean, I would too if I were them. I told them about this magical, fat man named Santa Clause who flies around the world in his magical sleigh pulled by magical reindeer (only I didn’t know the word for reindeer in French, so I told them he was pulled by an animal like a horse). He lives in the North Pole and has midgets that work for him and build toys. Like I said, they thought I was crazy. I continued on to tell them that the night before Christmas he stops at everyone’s house and gives them a present, so that when they wake up in the morning, there’s a present under the tree. This is when I got the question. “Madam, why doesn’t he come to Burkina Faso?” Uh oh. What do I say here? No, this magical, fat man doesn’t avoid your entire continent. He is make-believe, and it’s actually the parents who put the presents under the tree. Crap.

After my stories didn’t go over too hot, I decided to teach them some Christmas songs. Once again, this didn’t go as planned. First of all, I couldn’t remember the words to any Christmas songs, except the chorus to Jingle Bells, and Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer. Then, the dreaded part, I had to sing to 80 little Burkinabé children. Half applauded and the other half laughed at my pathetic attempt at singing. There’s a reason I always fake singing “Happy Birthday.” Then, I wanted to play them some Christmas tunes from my iPod, except I don’t have any. I stole a couple of songs from my site mate before class, but they were all instrumental only Christmas songs. I mean shit, can I get some Alvin the Chipmunks Christmas tunes, or something entertaining I can give these poor kids.

My final failed attempt was making Christmas decorations for the classroom. Not only do we have no supplies, literally no supplies (there was about 10 packs of colored pencils which all 80 students shared), but they lack all creative ability (something they never harp on as children… critical thinking and creativity). So when I tell them to draw something relating to Christmas we can hang in the classroom, they draw exactly the same pathetic Christmas tree and “Happy Holidays” sign that I drew on the board. When they are all finished drawing, which took an exceptionally long time considering, I wanted to glue the drawings to the classroom walls, which, once again, turned into complete chaos. I had 80 children running up to me, “Madam! Madam! I need to glue this!” I only have one small bottle of glue, so I’m trying as best and quickly as I can to put glue on every single piece of paper they hand me. During the gluing chaos, the kids are putting up their pictures on the walls. I’m finally done, and not only do I have glue all over me, but I accidentally glued one girl’s finger to her paper, and spilled glue down another girl’s back… woops. Then, I have time to breathe and look around at all the decorations. This is when I see that the kids went crazy while pasting their pictures. There was one paper glued to the ceiling, one glued in the center of the blackboard (obviously, “because it’s the best one, Madam”), and then I see the picture that takes the cake. It’s a picture of a half-nude NASCAR girl in a bathing suit. I live in a country where it’s slutty to show your knees, and now, I have a picture glued to my classroom walls of a girl in a bikini… excellent.

So, now, I’m home. I’m exhausted, and it’s the end of my holiday party. It could have been better, but it also could have gone a lot worse. All in all, I wouldn’t say it was a complete failure. I’m retired back to my humble abode, and am sitting eating Reese’s (thanks Grams!), smelling my Christmas candle, and watching “Elf.” Merry Christmas, and enjoy everything about Christmas that I am missing right now!